I need to get the fuck out of here.

Just a quick thing to say:
Thursday I had interschool netball, it was pretty intense, especially with my fucked ankle.
We only won one game, but it was against Croydon, so I'm happy. ;D
I did love playing with the girls.
They're quite amazing.
Especially George. (L)


ANYWAY.
I am actually going crazy.
I'm so bored with everything.
I'm crying everyday.
I don't even know why.

Jamieson's gig seemed to go amazing.
I'm happy for her.
But it depressed me a lot.
I stood there, watching all those happy couples.
And that's what I fucking crave.
I crave a relationship, I crave love.
I need it.

I wish boys noticed me, instead of just looking past me.
I wish they loved me, instead of liking me like a sister.
I wish I was an amazing girl, instead of a "cool chick".
I wish I was good at something, instead of being average at everything I do.

I've only ever had one small taste of feeling loved, and it was hardly love.
I need someone in my life, someone new.
Someone I can tell everything to.
Someone in my state.
Someone who can take me and all my bullshit.
Someone who doesn't need to be told when they just need to hold me.
Someone who isn't going to fuck me around.

My life is going everywhere, completely out of control.
And until I get to see Ned, I couldn't care less.
But right now, I need someone to hold my hand.
And tell me it's going to be okay when I have my freak outs.

The severe nausea is coming back, and it's bad.
I'm sick and tired of being everyone's second choice.
I'm no one first anymore, or at least that's how it seems.

I'm fighting so hard to keep myself from fading back into how I was when I lost a certain someone.
But it's so fucking hard, maybe even too fucking hard.

I have these lyrics from A Day To Remember stuck in my head.
And they're so fucking true, it's like, exactly what I'm doing.

"I'm holding on to a fairytale,
We're moving foward but we're not there yet."